Is this real life?

True story:

I had a completely different post 

scheduled and ready to go for today.

But after watching The Bachelor last night

I had to completely shift gears.

First things first....

I hate The Bachelor. 

I may or may not have enjoyed it back in the day,

but 25 seasons is just enough already.

And I swore up and down

I would never ever be that blogger

who does the usual "Bachelor Recap" post.

But, here we are.

Trust me, no one's more ashamed than myself.

Just like when I watch Honey Boo Boo

(which I never do)

I can't watch The Bachelor without constantly making this face.

Which can't be good for the wrinkles.

ABC, I'll send you my Botox bill. 

I'm convinced people only tune into The Bachelor for two reasons:

1. Nothing else is on Monday nights.

(Except for The Biggest Loser,

but I like to sit on my couch and eat my gluten-free cookies in piece.

Sorry Jillian Michaels.)

2. The shit show that is bound to ensue is just too enticing. 

I mean where do these girls come from?

Better yet, where do these bachelors come from.

Sean, you're awkward.

And not all that attractive.

Eyebrows are in this season, bud. 

Just sayin.

But back to the girls.

Girls, girls, girls.

Didn't your mamas teach you anything.

Like how to tame your hair.

It's called a brush.

Speaking of crazy hair Katie,

she went home last night by choice

because it was just too hard.

It kills me

when girls get so upset about 

"having to share Sean with 13 other girls".

Um....hello?

Did you not see the 24 previous seasons.

You get what you sign up for.

Tierra clearly knows what she signed up for.

Sean. And she is ready to take. girls. out.

(finger snap and head bob required when reading those last three words.)

She's not here "to meet friends, she's here to meet Sean"

and those evil eyes are putting her well on her way to that goal.

I do like one-armed chick.

I wish we could stop focusing on the fact that she only has one-arm though

and something a little more important.

Like her name.

It's Sarah by the way.

And the fact that she jumped off a roof on her first date with Sean.

Which leads me to believe 

she's possibly missing half of her brain as well.

I also like Lesley.

She seems down to Earth 

and like she'd be able to hold her own.

She doesn't come across as a bitch,

but I could definitely see her getting into it with someone if she had to.

And she went right in for that first kiss.

Much to evil eye Tierra's dismay.

Desiree's cute too.

And her's was the one date I didn't feel 

100% awkward watching.

However, according to upcoming previews,

things are about to go cah-razy with this one.

I. Can't. Wait.

But I can wait.

Because I hate The Bachelor. 

(Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks.)

Until then, take a cue from Miss Smiley herself

When all else fails, smile way too big 

and touch your hair way too much.

Hugs,

P.S. All of these opinions are my own. And I promise not to judge you too much if you actually do enjoying watching "true love" unfold on The Bachelor.