One of the most important life lessons I've learned since I became a semi-real grown up is that having a job sucks. Period.
Even when you love love love what you do, it's still a job and it stills sucks 99% of the time.
Sorry to be a dream crusher to all you college bebes who are yearning for career status. Take it from me and stay right where you are. Sleeping until noon and dominating the beer pong table on a nightly basis.
But for those of you who are past the magical place formerly known as college and are dragging yourself out of bed before the sun each morning to go "punch the clock" I've got something that might help, you know, put it all into perspective.
1. Justin Bieber's publicist. Seriously. You know that guy is so tired of having to come up with different "excuses" for Justin's ridiculous behavior. When all he really wants to say is exactly what everyone is thinking. Dude's gone cray.
2. Miley Cyrus' hair stylist. Miley used to have long, gorgeous locks. You know her hair stylist loooooooved playing with those beautiful tresses. Now what does she have to work with? Nothing. But you know she can't say anything about it. Except smile and nod and pretend she's happy with Miley's decision.
3. The guy who cleans out porta-potties. Particularly porta-potties from college football games. 8AM kegs-and-eggs, 95 degree weather if you're in the South, and spicy tail-gate food. Let's just say it ain't pretty in there.
4. Bruce Jenner's plastic surgeon. You know he's ready to say "no, enough." But turning down that pay check is clearly next to impossible.
5. Security personnel at concerts. I know at times this could be disguised as a really cool job. Until you've got to sit through a concert you absolutely cannot stand. Or even until you have to sit through a concert you absolutely love but instead of being able to grab a cold one and enjoy it you have to restrain screaming, drunk fans.
6. The guy that has to clean the windows of the Empire State building. Because those suckers are high up there.
7. Miley Cyrus' stylist. Sorry to knock Miley twice (you know I love her forreal) but you know her stylist is in a constant state of WTF? Miley's a hot little thing. There are so many beautiful things she could wear. Except she chooses teddy bear costumes and plastic undies.
8. Kim Kardashian's nanny. North is cute and all, but imagine the questions that come out of Kimmie's mouth on a daily basis. Being a mom is hard for every other member of society. I imagine Kim has twice as much of a problem wrapping her head around it. "She's going to wear diapers for like, how long?"
9. Lindsay Lohan's lawyer. Quite possibly the best lawyer alive. But nevertheless, you know she's exhausted of defending every train-wreck decision Lindsay keeps making. Plus also she's probably tired of constantly waiting for Miss Fashionably Late.
10. The creator of Vine. Vine was such a cool ap. With some much potential. But then Instagram had to come along and make videos their thing. And just like Vine was forgotten. It must suck to work for a second rate social media ap. #sorrynotsorryvine.